Author: Zachary Zane
Publication Date: May 9, 2023
Genres: Non-fiction
Protagonist Gender: Male
Although I felt a little let down by Boyslut, having expected more stories of slutty threesomes and risqué Grindr hookups, I fully appreciate what Zachary Zane had to say about sex and sexuality.
If I had to sum up this book in just one word, it would be acceptance. Zane writes about the need to accept who we are and who or what we want to be. Through therapy, socialization, and life experience he explores a journey to self-acceptance that assures us it's okay (and healthy) to have questions and doubts, but also insists we don't let them get in the way of living our lives. It's not an easy journey, and not one without its detours and switchbacks, but he invites us to share in the experiences that allowed him to grow mentally, physically, and emotionally into the titular Boyslut. At the same time, he confronts the attitudes, assumptions, and anxieties that stand in the way of society accepting such an open and joyous indulgence of sexuality.
One thing that struck me about the book is how Zane explores definitions of bisexuality versus pansexuality, and how he deliberately claims the former not in spite of but because of its social stigma, even as he goes to great pains to regularly assure the reader that transgender, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming individuals are included in his definition. And it's not in a by-the-way aside or pandering way, it's sincere inclusion that I appreciated every time.
For a book about sex, what I think resonates most is what Zane has to say about relationships, the intersection of love and sex, and how and where the two can divulge. There are some interesting explorations of polyamory and open marriage that I found encouraging, and some frank discussion of how intimacy can interfere with sexual attraction - not because we've "fallen out of love" but because our sexual attraction may work differently. Yes, there's a lot of talk about random hookups and one-night stands, but there are also feelings and emotions to navigate.
Admittedly, I was a little taken aback by the frankness with which Zane discusses drug use, and the way he so casually dismisses STIs, but I realized you can't pick-and-choose your stigmas. He's writing about an openness and honesty that you can't fairly compartmentalize or place conditions on, and the admissions about his own behavior are all part of being a Boyslut. In some ways, I wish I had his confidence, his sort of selfishness, but there are consequences within even an open marriage that I feel demand more consideration.
Rating: ♀ ♀ ♀ ♀
My sincere thanks to the publisher for sending me an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
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