Earlier this year I had the great pleasure of working with May B Bound on Hunter's List - 12 books and over 300,000 words of BDSM erotica with a slow-build thriller element. With the 4th book (Hunter's List: Subdued) now available for pre-order, May kindly agreed to share some of her thoughts on submission and the lifestyle.
My sign you shall bear...
But which one?
To mark one's property or to document one's
partnership is a desire that is probably as old as mankind. Not surprisingly,
we wear wedding rings, friendship rings or bands, necklaces with parts of
hearts that belong together. Because that is exactly what we want to show to
the outside world: We belong together. Or, as is more common in BDSM: The other
belongs to me - I belong to someone.
But how do you show that?
There are, of course, the temporary marks that
everyone knows: welts from caning or a whip, a discolored butt or thigh from a
very extensive spanking, marks from clothespins, burn marks, needle marks, or
scores in the skin from knife play. Some of these marks remain, especially burn
marks or lacerations, which heal but leave scars.
Or even more short-lived: semen or urine or vaginal
secretions on the skin, face, hair. Nice for the moment, but gone again after
the next shower/hair wash.
If one looks around the scene, one finds, above all,
the ring of O as a symbol. It is a heavy metal ring, on which a smaller ring is
movably set in a ball. Often this is generally seen as a sign of belonging to
the community of BDSM practitioners. Sometimes it is presented engraved as a
gift in a ceremony, but I also know of some who have bought the ring for
themselves.
Personally, I don't like the symbol that much,
partly because it's not the original from the book, but a ring that was worn in
one of the film adaptations. Sure, you can appreciate the symbolism - the little
ring is reminiscent of a device used to leash animals.
On the other hand, I dislike the symbol because its
meaning goes way too far for me. Anyone who has read The Story of O (required
reading!) knows that Pauline Réage does not see the ring simply as a sign for a
submissive woman. Rather, it denotes a slave who is (or is to be) at the
disposal of all members of the coven. This is not what I understand by BDSM, it
is too much meta-consensus for me.
Described in the book is another form: A heavy ring
with a disc, this "... carried in niello work a golden wheel with three
spokes bent in a spiral, like the sun wheel of the Celts."
An emblem was sought by a BDSM group in the USA and designed by Quagmire
(the story can be read here),
specifically with the intention of finding a distinctive sign that would not be
conspicuous and would show in a discreet way that the wearer practices BDSM,
that is, is part of the community. In doing so, Quagmire drew on the
description in 'History of O', but also tried to consider the meaning of the
actual symbol. He wanted a symbol that is not too obvious, that is not
conspicuous, that has as little preconception as possible.
From this point of view, I find the triskele (or more precisely, the
modification of the triskele to the BDSM emblem) good, even if the background
is questionable. After all, something new has emerged from the description,
something that serves a specific purpose.
I myself now have various pieces of jewelry that simply show a triskele,
they are quite inconspicuous to wear and you can, if you do not want to out
yourself, refer to the origin as a Celtic symbol or to a trip to Brittany,
which carries the triskele in its coat of arms.
But back to the marking.
You can take off a ring. Blue spots fade and disappear. What remains? A
tattoo, of course. Yes, I know, even tattoos can be removed or covered up, but
they are the most permanent thing possible. Only scars last longer.
As with all permanent marks, of course, women/men should think carefully
beforehand whether this is even desired - and whether the desire goes deep
enough, at least as deep as the scar or color under the skin. Consensus is as important
here as with any other action in BDSM.
In addition, there is the question of how openly the symbol - whichever one
- may be shown. If you need a doctor, there might be practically no place on
the body that is not visible somewhere at some time. Or is it enough if the
place is covered at work? But what if the boss sees the sign on Casual Friday?
Is that still okay?
The
same applies to a collar. Sure you can wear it only when you 'play'. Or sub
wears it permanently, maybe even one that has been locked by Dom and can only
be opened with special tools or keys. How visible do you want the collar to be?
I fear (and have experienced) a sub being treated by a (semi) initiated
stranger as if being sub is a sign not only of submissiveness to a partner, but
as if this sub can be overrun. After all, she is submissive, so the other
person only needs to appear dominant enough and there is no need for any
consideration. An experience that sub can gladly do without. Dom is not always
standing behind, not always the self-confidence is enough to insist on one's right.
No matter if woman or man, it can bring disadvantages in the job, or in dealing
with strangers, if you not only out yourself as part of the community, but at
the same time announce your position.
Please keep that in mind with any marking.
There are also signs that reveal their meaning only to the initiated. This
can be a necklace or an anklet, a bracelet, or even a tattoo. It just depends
on what is shown. There are commercial necklaces that look like twisted ropes,
chokers are coming back in, reminiscent of a necklace, bracelets decorated with
a discreet triskele (like mine), or you wear the movable ring on the ring of O
inside.
Inconspicuous is also a pendant with a shopping cart chip
that you can carry on your keychain, like this one in the picture. I had a few
of these that I raffled off in my Facebook group at the beginning, and of
course one hangs on my key ring.
Or you could just settle for the temporary kind of marking.
I find it extremely sexy when marked with sperm. Of course, only from a certain
man (mine!), not from a stranger, and only in this situation in which I helped
to produce it - it's obvious, isn't it?
Well, how do you feel about it? Do you want a permanent
sign? Can it be visible? Or are you content with a hidden or temporary one?
May B Bound
Hunter's List: Held | Hunter's List: Trained | Hunter's List: Tamed | Hunter's List: Subdued
You like dominant men who carry their women on their hands? Who give them what they need?
You like women who are happy when they can give up control? Who are so strong that they kneel down voluntarily?
Then you are right where you belong!
I like strong men AND strong women, I write about couples where submission doesn't mean oppression, who consider trust, respect and consent important. Add a happy ending, suspense and a lot of hot scenes and you have a true May B Bound book!
|
|
