TG Captions are one of my favorite forms of storytelling. There is no narrative fluff, no extraneous details, just the hook, the twist, and the climax.
This was a hard one to write. I had the idea, and I knew the whole story - her facial expression and body language told me she was smugly waiting for something - but there was too much, too many details I wanted to include. In the end, I decided to keep it simple, focus on the butler's part of the story, and let him carry the tale.
I agree, it is something hard to write and not feel like you are piling on tons of exposition. I think you balanced it out well, without telegraphing everything.
ReplyDeleteNot that you asked, but the only thing I could come up with to make it any different, and it might be something you'd want to make into a story idea, would be to have some sort of Agatha Christie set-up where things happened at the mansion, and a Hercule character stated, "I know who did it!" and went on some sort of elaborate but "silly" TG premise, that was exactly what was being described. Whether others believed it would be another thing entirely!